So long 2023!

| Mac

So long 2023!

I’m not sorry you’re gone! What. a. year…

I lost my paternal grandmother between Christmas and New Year’s of 2022. I lost my Dad in February of 2023, just two months later. Then I lost my job in the 3rd quarter of last year as well. I was impacted, like many, by the layoffs sweeping across big tech and consulting. Alas. What a year! 

As I pen this post, the first since the post mourning his death and attempting to articulate my grief and shock, I’m reminded of the time he and I spoke about our blogging routines. How blogging was a bit like putting a message in a bottle and throwing it into the sea. (You can check out his latest and last publishing spot here: https://jcampbell.substack.com).

I’m also reminded that beyond the tragedies, paramount amongst them losing my father… 2023 wasn’t all bad. There remains much to be grateful for.

My commitment to reprioritising my physical well being, alongside my mental well being, continues from its origins in 2022. April this year will be the 2 year anniversary of my 8k a day pledge. My marriage is happy and strong. My remaining family are well. I am grateful. 

And with a change in my employment status, after 23 years of continuous hustle, I’ve enjoyed  taking a breath and exploring my curiosities, avoiding a mad dash to the first employment opportunity that has come along. Resisting a sense of panic that I imagine could accompany unemployment. 

Taking this pause has been great, and it has also felt a little lonely. Especially with these winter months and dry January commitments as well… However, there are ways around it. I have a Wednesday evening study club with a friend, an occasional Tuesday night e-sports get together… and when spring and summer return the mountain biking trails and mates (humorously and accurately titled “old men on bikes”) will ride again. 

And so as 2023 becomes more distant and 2024 gears up, I move forward without a resolution or theme (… so far as we know… yet… ) Rather, I move forward with an openness to what may lie ahead. As well as gratitude for the reasons above… and… for you! The fine folk out there receiving these periodic messages in bottles over the last 13 years… thanks for reading, and more to come! Wishing you all the best in 2024 and beyond, however your 2023 may have wrapped up. 

Onwards! 

Star burst & heart break

| Mac

FUCK!

My beloved Dad/Father/Friend has passed away. His physical form is gone.

And I’m truly grieving for the first time, despite knowing loss previously in my close family.

Today (Sunday) was the day…

The day that you think you’re good. You’ve been back to work. You’ve made it the whole week. It’s been good to be busy.

It’s Sunday morning. You’re getting the coffee going. You think to yourself you should call your dad. And then you realise he’s gone. You’re not going to be able to make that call ever again.

Oooofffff.

You rein it in. You go about your day.

The evening has arrived. Your partner is in bed. You’re cleaning the kitchen. That was your primary childhood chore. It hits you. A wave…a Tsunami… It’s… a… fucking. Tsunami…

Such… GRIEF.

Gone too soon. So much left undone. Sooooo much left undiscussed.

Fuck.

And yet there’s light…

Right…?

The sun was out.

You’ve gone back to work.

You’ve been helping the family and friends. You’ve been supporting the process. He’d be proud. How he’d feel under the fucking circumstances is poor consolation.

I’m mad!

He should have taken better care of his health.

RRRRarrrrhhhhhH!!

That said, or perhaps more accurately expressed… I’m happy he lived happy and died himself.

Though I recognise him as imperfect… I wouldn’t change him. I wouldn’t trade what I had for more years with a different version of him.

And there’s something about peace with that tradeoff that makes the heartbreak all the more ferocious.

And it makes me so fucking mad.

And..

yet…

I know…

I’ll make it through.

I’m so grateful for him and how he made me… me. I’m grateful for the many years I had with him and the many I may have ahead without him. Despite knowing those years ahead now include missing him. Forever. Or at least my version of that word.

Here’s to the sunshine ahead and the bright lights who got us here and played a irrevocable role in making us who we are. We are all imperfect. Our species, our circumstances… imperfect. Yet there’s a cosmic poetry playing out before our very eyes. Here’s to those who taught us to see the light, whether it be in a dark night sky or the beautiful blue of day.

On beginnings that Stick…

| Mac

I am about halfway through my expected “4000 weeks” and it’s just now, that I’ve finally established a healthy, dare I say, life changing habit. I’d like to share how I came to this breakthrough, with the hope that it helps you establish your own healthy habit. As you might suspect after a brief survey of articles here on exploring-art.com this story starts with a book. 

Atomic Habits - book featured on an e-reader

Atomic Habits is another trendy self help read that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. However, alas, the first attempt to apply what I had thought I learned was a total failure.

I committed one of my common mistakes, which was trying to do too much, and over complicating the routine. I also failed as the tactic to make it harder to do the wrong thing wasn’t a sufficient barrier for my pleasure seeking ways. Let me explain. I had tried to implement a regime of  daily exercise by putting the exercise bike in front of the TV every night along with a fresh set of workout gear. The rationale purveyed by the book was this would make it easier to get on the bike and ride than to move the bike out of the way and enjoy the TV. The experiment was a total failure. The bike got put away while I told myself I just didn’t have the energy. 

Sometime passed and my irritation at my inability to form and stick to a single good habit returned. If I didn’t make some improvements soon, activities I once took for granted like the ability to complete the Grouse Grind, or hike Mount Finlayson, might be beyond my ability to do reliably. 

In the face of this internal conflict, I of course turned to my trusty traveller’s notebook, my practice of self reflection flexing its muscles, wielding its mighty mechanical pencil and… 

Some of the wisdom from the Atomic Habits came back to me during this reflection period. One was to keep it simple, maybe even more simple than the stationary bike, another was it had to be something I could do everyday, and lastly rather than making it easier to do the right thing, maybe it had to be something that I actually enjoyed… like you know…. all my vices. 

What could I do everyday, that was good for me, that I actually enjoyed? And then the idea struck me… I could go for a walk! An outdoor walk. I’m inside all day working on my computer, I love fresh air and being outside. A speedy walk would get my heart rate up and would be unlikely to hurt my knees or legs impacting my ability to do it again the next day. Could I commit to finding 90 minutes everyday to speed walk 8 kilometres? The walk itself would be less time, but there would be change and cool down time. This was less of a time commitment than going out for a long bike ride… and if I kept up a fast pace, it would be great exercise…

I was compelled to try… and to my surprise it actually stuck. After a few weeks of getting out for this daily speed walk, I’d get down right anxious if a day had gone by without my 8k… like a day without my 2 cups of coffee. I had done it! I had established a healthy daily habit. 9 months later, I’ve lost 30 pounds and I feel great. And as the saying goes – I’m not done!

So how do you begin a healthy habit that will actually stick? My advice to you is:

  1. Choose one thing you can do everyday 
  2. Make it something you actually enjoy 
  3. Force yourself to do it, until it becomes second nature 

I was beginning to believe the myriad of books on habit forming and task management that I’d read just weren’t for me. That given a busy work schedule I was just too spent to master my own personal administration, and that some downtime spent numbing my mind on the couch was my just, pleasurable, reward. I was beginning to believe that I could force myself to do something for a while, but it would never become part of my entrenched daily routine.

I was wrong! I’m grateful that after more failed attempts than read advice, I have finally formed a healthy habit. And I believe you can too! Drop a comment below if you need some ideas on what might work for you or further convincing. And good luck making the most of your limited time… may your good health be preserved by the formation of a good habit!